VisualxParadoxe

I am now : Mrs-Durden

In reference of Fight Club hahahaha

Who do I love ? Why did I cheat on him ? I'm such a horrible person I just can't believe it.
WHO THE FUCK AM I IN LOVE WITH ?!
How to choose ? What to do ? What to think ? What to say ?!?!
So far it's been silence again and again...but it hurts...I feel so bad...I don't know who to choose, I dont know what I feel !

Listen to your heart..what if I don't hear him ?!
I can't say, I don't know, if I love one and not the other..

What if I make a decision and then realise that it wasn't the right one...

I'm lost...I feel trapped...I wanna scream and cry so hard !!

But I won't...

If only I could be a better person. Less cruel, heartless, cold and distant...complex, and mean. Most of my environment would say that i'm adorable, so sweet and thoughtfull, anything but selfish, and I have to admit that in fact I probably am all of those things, but then again so much more.
I wish I could be the perfect girlfriend, stop making him suffer, he says he loves me, that I AM perfect, that he doesn't want to lose me, but I know i'm gonna fuck it all up, as always.

The engin is already rolling, i'll make him hurt until he leaves me...

I really don't know, all I can say is that he keeps me alive for now, he's the only thing that matters in my life right now, and if I had to imagine my life without him, i'd rather imagine myself dead.
Okay, I guess i'm in love...

Fuck it.


Edit.

Okay, i'm in love. But i'm just not good enough for him, I'm really just a bitch and I don't deserve him...
Do you know many guys who steel a red rose in a cimetary while you're on top of a grave, puts himself on his knees, and yells ''Juliette'' to just a few seconds after, insinuate that you're a tresor and that he'll never let you go...
God I love him...

That's what they all say, and I guess that's what I should believe, i'm not scared, no i'm far from being someone who is afraid of this life that she is living. Therefore, it all seems so simple, but it actually isn't at all, maybe I should start thinking a bit more, maybe I should stop being such a fucking hippie minded idiot, and think of what i'm gonna do of my life, whatever, i'll live through it all.